Nothing is worse than the loss of a child......

This site was created in the memory of my only son Quintin Elijah Dulin. He was born on February 19, 2005 by a unexpected C-Section. Even though he was born four weeks early, he was a healthy 6lbs 1oz! My life surely changed from the moment I laid eyes on him. He was born with his eyes open, ready to face the world.

We were in the hospital for 4 days. The nurses were wonderful and took the time to really focus on me and him. Most said that he was one of the most beautiful babies they had ever seen. Of course I thought so too. He loved to suck on his fist and fingers, especially at night while I was trying to sleep haha.

When he was 2 days old, my sister came to the hospital to spend some time with us and she had some Sonic tater tots. She put one of them to his lips and he licked and tried to bite on it. From that moment on we decided to call him Tater tot, since he seemed to love them so much!

The days seemed to fly by and finally after 8 weeks I had to return to work. I really dreaded it, because I hated to have to leave him for hours on end. When the workday was over, I couldnt wait to get back to him and see his smiling face. When I would wake him up in the mornings to take him to the babysitter, he would never cry even though you could tell he was sleeping good. As soon as I would lay him down on the changing table and he was just grin (all gums)!
 Nothing in this world could make me happier....

And then my world shattered like fine china. And the darkness came......

June 8th 2005 I was feeling terrible, I had been sick for a week and thought maybe I should get my medicine for my sore throat and congestion. Quintin had fallen asleep watching BET's 106 & Park while drinking a bottle. He wasnt feeling good either, when I picked him up from the babysitter she told me that he didnt hardly eat anything all day. The past two weeks, he had been congested too but the doctors said that he was fine. So there he was in the bouncy seat, looking sweet and innocent as always. I took him out and laid him down around 6:30pm. At 8pm I decided to go to CVS to get my prescription filled. Once we got to the drive-thru they told me they were behind and it would be 20-30 min. So I took the opportunity and decided to ride around, I know Q would like that. We got back home at 10 after 9 and I took him straight out of the carseat and put him to bed. His daddy called a short while later, the 1st time in a couple of weeks. He wanted to come down (he lives out of town) but I told him no because Q was sleeping and it was late plus I had to be at work at 5am. I told him to wait until the weekend and then we could spend some time together as a family. He agreed. I went to bed at 11am. When I woke up, it was 3:45am. I thought, hmm thats funny, Q didnt even wake up to eat. I got up and on my way to the bathroom to take my shower, I decided to pull the door shut to his room so I wouldnt wake him up while I got ready. The thought never crossed my mind to look at him. I got ready for work, fixed me a cup of coffee and went outside to smoke a cig. I had started back smoking after he was born, but never smoked in the house or the car. While I was out there, the thought crossed my mind that something was wrong. I had the feeling that he might be dead, but quickly put the thought to the side because it seemed so wrong to think something like that. I went back in, got his bad and bottles ready and packed my lunch and his things and went to pu them in the car. Now all I had to do was get Q up and change his diaper, put him in the car seat and go. I opened the door to his room and turned on the light. Strange, he seemed to be face down all the way. My heart stared to race. When I walked to to the crib, I noticed his arms were down by his side. I touched his arm--COLD! Raised up his head and he was blotchy in the face. I jerked him up and ran screaming outside to to my best friend Jodi's house (she lived across the street).

He was limp, he was cold, but I began to do CPR anyway. Just hoping that something would happen. But when I did the chest compressions, I could just hear the air escaping his body. The ambulance arrived and took him inside. They told me immediately "Im sorry ma'am, but he has been gone for too long, there is nothing we can do". I completely lost it at this point, and from that moment on I knew that my life would never be the same.

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome is a terrible silent killer that affects more babies under the age of 1 yr old than any thing else COMBINED. The sad thing is, I never thought it would happen to me. When I was pregnant, I always skipped over that section in my 'What to Expect' book. I was a good mother, I always took my vitamins, breastfed for weeks, and kept him away from people who I thought may be sick. But it doesnt matter. He was perfectly healthy, and I lost him anyway......


To my dearest Tater,
     Nothing I say or do will bring you back to me. The tears I cry daily, and all the prayer in the world will not make you alive again. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life...you WERE my life. The only thing that helps me is knowing that one sweet day I will hold you in my arms again and our hearts will beat as one. I love you always!!!
                                                                       Mommy

LORD, I WANTED TO HOLD MY SON IN MY LAP AND TELL HIM ABOUT YOU, BUT SINCE I DIDNT GET THE CHANCE, WILL YOU HOLD HIM IN YOUR LAP AND TELL HIM ABOUT ME?

Most people only dream of angels, I have held one in my arms!